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OK, Jake slapped again. I was too tired to write about it yesterday – I was too tired to do much of anything yesterday – but Thursday night, he slapped his sister on the face. Only four days after the first incident, when he slapped another boy on the way to school. Don’t worry, I don’t need words of support this time – I’m fine. My freak out on Monday was caused by my friend yelling at me, not what my son had done. I can handle him. I’m pissed off, at his stupidity and inability to learn from his mistakes, but not upset.
Being there when he slapped his sister gave me a little insight into where these random slaps are coming from. He told her she had a bee on her cheek and asked her if he should get it off. She believed him and said yes. So he slapped her on the cheek. Hard. He thought it was funny.
I was so stunned I yelled “Are you fucking kidding me?” and then told him to go to his room and get in bed while I cooled down. I put his sister to bed and then I went in and gave him the guilt trip of his life. I probable laid it on a bit too thick – I’m embarrassed to be your mother, etc. – considering what he had done. But just a few days after getting into huge trouble I HAD to make an impact.
I told him the first part of his punishment was that he wouldn’t have TV, computer, or video games for a month. The second part was cheating a little: we were supposed to go to Great Wolf Lodge tomorrow. The trip was already screwed up. We were supposed to go with another family, but they had to postpone for personal reasons. Then my husband decided that since the other family wasn’t going, that this wasn’t a good time for him to take another day off of work – it was supposed to be a time for the two couples to spend together while the four kids played (yes, I’m feeling a bit like chopped liver, but he did just take a day off to see a show with me). So honestly, I was looking for an excuse to cancel the trip and reschedule with the other family. And that slap gave me a great excuse. So I told him we weren’t going. He wailed “Ever?” and I told him we’ll see.
I made him go to bed right then (an hour early) and I told him I loved him but was very disappointed in him and started to leave. From under the covers he wailed “No song?” and I said “Nope, no song” and left him sobbing.
Postponing the trip is no all that fair to his sister, but I’ll do something fun with her to make up for it. He’s crushed, which was the point. She doesn’t seem to care, so I’m not sure she really understood where we were going in the first place – lucky break for me.
The biggest surprise came when my husband got home and I explained the whole thing to him. He was relieved that Jake didn’t slap out of anger! He actually thought it was better that Jake slapped because he thought it was funny, and wouldn’t have come down so hard on him. I totally disagree! I can understand when someone loses control (I didn’t realize I had yelled “fucking” until it was already out of my mouth). I don’t excuse it, but I can at least understand where it’s coming from. But this, this was totally thought out and deliberate! He did it with me in the room, so he really must not understand, even after all we’ve said to him about hitting being wrong. So hopefully this punishment will make him understand.
Whether he slapped out of anger or as a joke or whatever, I don’t care. The end result is that he slapped somebody, and he should be punished. I can sympathize when it’s part of a scuffle or an argument, but it still gets punished all the same. It figures that I’m against hate crime legislation as well.
I’ve already told him that if it happens again – slapping anyone in the face – he’s going to lose TV, computer and video games for a whole year. And he knows that I don’t bluff. For MY sake I hope he doesn’t get that punishment! It’s the kind of thing that’s very annoying to police. His sister is still allowed to watch TV. I’m still allowed to watch TV. And the other day, he went to a friend’s house after school and I knew that he’d probably be playing Wii there. The other family was doing me a huge favor, so I wasn’t about to tell them “Oh, and by the way, Jake can’t play video games, so if you were planning on using the Wii to make your life a little easier, sorry, you’re interfering with my discipline plan.”
And I’m not going to lie, I totally use TV and video games to get him out of my hair. So please please PLEASE Jake, don’t slap anybody. The punishment will hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom