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Time Is Relative, Especially When It Comes To Carbs

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The other morning (Friday, I think), as I was lying in bed rhapsodizing about warm bread with butter, Omer asked me how long into the low-carb experiment I was. “Saturday will be half way, three weeks done” I sighed.

“Wow,” he replied. “That went fast.”

And then I killed him.

Oh, wait, that was just a fantasy. I glared at him for a few seconds, and then said “Really? Because IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME TO ME.”

Seriously, if you find out that you only have six weeks to live, just go super-low-carb. It will seem like forever.

“Wow,” Omer said. “Going low-carb has kind-of turned you into a bitch. Well, not a bitch exactly, but you definitely have less patience. And you didn’t have a lot to begin with.”

And then I killed him.

Oh, sorry, that pesky murderous fantasy again.

Sadly, I think he’s right. I was thinking that while I was totally annoyed at not having carbs, there was no noticeable difference to my mood. I mean, I had been more blunt online recently. That I definitely noticed. And that might be related to the patience thing, because usually I can stop for a second, consider whether or not I really want to say something, and then hit delete. But in the last few weeks there hasn’t been a lot of stopping and thinking.

There has, however, been even more searching for words and names in conversation. I didn’t think that part could get worse, because I’m normally pretty bad with that stuff.

So there you go. Carbs make me smart and patient and happy. Why did I give them up?

Well, my biggest jeans fit again, so that’s something. I was running out of things to wear. I’d gotten rid of my super-big clothes after the last round of losing weight, which is supposed to be motivating, but then I just usually end up buying more clothes. And since I’m replacing clothes that I got rid of, I usually buy crap. And then I look terrible and eat more because why the hell not? It’s a vicious cycle. But this saved me from having to replace the super-big clothes. And, I no longer have those weird third and fourth min-boobs sticking out of my bra. Also a good thing.

But half-way through, I have to say that even with 7.2 pounds gone, it’s not worth it. I can lose weight just as fast by counting calories, which is its own kind of hell, but at least there are carbs in that hell. I lost ten pounds in four weeks with Slim-Fast. And while a month is pretty much all I was able to stand on that diet, that month wasn’t that hard. What I’m saying is, going low-carb works, but not necessarily any better than some other methods I tried, and it’s a lot harder to do.

This past week I only lost 0.2 pounds. That’s, like, a rounding error. Granted, it was a five-day week since I’d weighed myself two days late last week, but still. I expected to see more than a fifth of a pound gone. It’s hard to keep your motivation up when you’re not seeing improvement.

But now that I only have 18 full days left, it does have more of a down-hill feel. So I’ve got that going for me.

Michael Schmid

Tuesday 14th of April 2015

So how many bystanders died in the writing of this post, Amy? I tweeted you, but would add that for many there are tremendous benefits to reducing sugar and grains. That was the case for me. If it's just to get back into your old jeans (or someone else's) it might not be worth it. Hang in there.

Amy Oztan

Tuesday 14th of April 2015

@Michael Schmid: That might be the crux of the problem. So many low carb people talk about the other benefits, and I've seen none of them. My body runs really well on carbs! As for the bystanders, only two died, and they were both my husband. And at least one of them was imaginary.

Toni

Tuesday 14th of April 2015

yeah. A week or so ago you were saying, "it's not that hard!" And I cowered in the corner under Kevlar.

Amy Oztan

Tuesday 14th of April 2015

@Toni: It's so hard to describe, because it's still not hard. If I had some kind of medical condition and I had to do this forever, I know that I wouldn't shrivel up and die. But since it's not the magical amazing weight-loss pill that some people claim it is, it's supremely annoying to still be doing it. I think the hard part is for the people around me.

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