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The other morning (Friday, I think), as I was lying in bed rhapsodizing about warm bread with butter, Omer asked me how long into the low-carb experiment I was. “Saturday will be half way, three weeks done” I sighed.
“Wow,” he replied. “That went fast.”
And then I killed him.
Oh, wait, that was just a fantasy. I glared at him for a few seconds, and then said “Really? Because IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME TO ME.”
Seriously, if you find out that you only have six weeks to live, just go super-low-carb. It will seem like forever.
“Wow,” Omer said. “Going low-carb has kind-of turned you into a bitch. Well, not a bitch exactly, but you definitely have less patience. And you didn’t have a lot to begin with.”
And then I killed him.
Oh, sorry, that pesky murderous fantasy again.
Sadly, I think he’s right. I was thinking that while I was totally annoyed at not having carbs, there was no noticeable difference to my mood. I mean, I had been more blunt online recently. That I definitely noticed. And that might be related to the patience thing, because usually I can stop for a second, consider whether or not I really want to say something, and then hit delete. But in the last few weeks there hasn’t been a lot of stopping and thinking.
There has, however, been even more searching for words and names in conversation. I didn’t think that part could get worse, because I’m normally pretty bad with that stuff.
So there you go. Carbs make me smart and patient and happy. Why did I give them up?
Well, my biggest jeans fit again, so that’s something. I was running out of things to wear. I’d gotten rid of my super-big clothes after the last round of losing weight, which is supposed to be motivating, but then I just usually end up buying more clothes. And since I’m replacing clothes that I got rid of, I usually buy crap. And then I look terrible and eat more because why the hell not? It’s a vicious cycle. But this saved me from having to replace the super-big clothes. And, I no longer have those weird third and fourth min-boobs sticking out of my bra. Also a good thing.
But half-way through, I have to say that even with 7.2 pounds gone, it’s not worth it. I can lose weight just as fast by counting calories, which is its own kind of hell, but at least there are carbs in that hell. I lost ten pounds in four weeks with Slim-Fast. And while a month is pretty much all I was able to stand on that diet, that month wasn’t that hard. What I’m saying is, going low-carb works, but not necessarily any better than some other methods I tried, and it’s a lot harder to do.
This past week I only lost 0.2 pounds. That’s, like, a rounding error. Granted, it was a five-day week since I’d weighed myself two days late last week, but still. I expected to see more than a fifth of a pound gone. It’s hard to keep your motivation up when you’re not seeing improvement.
But now that I only have 18 full days left, it does have more of a down-hill feel. So I’ve got that going for me.