This is a post about my ass. Not to be confused with The Ass. Let’s just get that straight right from the start. And it’s going to be a really embarrassing post, one that is sure to delight my ex-boyfriend and my husband’s ex-girlfriend, both of whom have been known to read this blog. Oh well, if I managed to live through my mother making my clothes in elementary school, the four years of humiliation that was high school, and the jet-black-hair-with-bangs that I thought would solve my freshman year in college, I’ll live through this embarrassment.
Of all of the physical discomfort that came along with pregnancy – the sore breasts, the buckets of extra saliva, the sciatica – the only one that stuck around after I gave birth was hemorrhoids. Yup. That’s why I’m awake. It’s been a minor annoyance for years, but for reasons passing understanding, it’s been particularly bad lately. I woke up almost two hours ago, and tossed and turned until finally admitting that I wasn’t going to get back to sleep. I shuffled downstairs and went to the medicine cabinet, and now here I sit, watching Friends and waiting for the magic to happen (and if I’m awake much longer, the kids’ leftover pasta is going to disappear). And I’m telling myself that I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow, but then in the morning I’ll feel better and put it off. Because I can write this knowing that thousands of people will read it, but I won’t be facing them when they do, so this is so much easier than actually going to the doctor.
There are some things you’re just not supposed to talk about publicly, but I can’t possibly be the only mom going through this. And that’s why I’m writing this. One of the original intents of this blog (before it became all about hanging with celebrities and my never-ending quest to lose 50 pounds) was to counteract a trend I was sick of, the writers who presented motherhood as perfect. Sometimes it’s painful, and not just in an “Oh my God my children are embarrassing me!” way. I think some people would be surprised to hear about the physical challenges of motherhood, but I know there are a lot of you nodding your heads right now in understanding. That’s OK, you can stay anonymous. I’ll take the bullet for all of us.
Maybe some good will come out of this. Maybe I’ll get offered sponsorship by Preparation H. With all of the talk lately about bloggers promoting unsavory companies, at least nobody would accuse me of not having an authentic connection. And my Preparation H t-shirt would be an interesting conversation starter in the BlogHer breakfast line.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.