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The theme of last night’s Oscars was “WTF just happened?” They started out with promise. Ellen’s opening monologue was fantastic, and Pharrell’s performance of his song “Happy” was possibly the best, most fun Oscar performance ever. Lupita Nyong’o schooled everyone on how to give an Oscar acceptance speech (although, I started the skinny shimmery headband trend TWO DAYS before she did, so she’d better not try to claim it!). I was hopeful that it was going to be a great night. But it went slowly (and I do mean slowly) downhill from there.
WTF happened? I mean, compared to actresses like Sally Field, Glenn Close, and Bette Midler, who all came out looking older but like themselves, Kim looked like someone who is aging the opposite of gracefully. A little plastic surgery goes a long way, especially on the face. The thing is, twitter and facebook exploded with appreciation for the older actresses who either hadn’t had plastic surgery, or had done it so artfully that you couldn’t tell. I can’t wait until the money people catch up with the fact that the public doesn’t want to see plastic, stretched faces as women (and men!) get older. We want to see real people who can actually still act with their facial features.
Ellen did a couple of bits with pizza that just went on waaaaay too long. Eventually she had three pizzas delivered, and she brought them out to the first couple of rows. I was cringing as I thought of pizza grease dripping on all of those expensive dresses and tuxes! Most of the people involved seemed game, but my goodness, give them Saltines next time, or something else that won’t drip! Those people spent all day getting ready! (Well, the women anyway.) Save the pizza for 3am when they’re home and in sweats.
You had ONE JOB John Travolta! #Oscars
— SelfishMom (@SelfishMom) March 3, 2014
While introducing Idina Menzel to sing “Let It Go,” John Travolta butchered her name so badly it was really a totally different name. A name that immediately got a twitter handle with thousands of followers. Was there a problem with the teleprompter? Did he have a mini stroke? Was he stoned? Whatever it was, it bled over into Idina’s performance. And again, were there technical difficulties? It was not…great. She seemed to be fighting tears from the moment she started, and she swallowed a couple of words early on. Her mic hand was shaking a lot, and her big notes were somewhat painful. WTF. I don’t know if the name thing threw her off, or if there was more going on. This should have been one of the greatest moments of her life, but instead it was a bit of a disappointment. Hopefully most people will blame it on Adele Dazeem, whoever that is.
All in all, the telecast was long and underwhelming. But it was an honor just to be nomin- oh, right. It was just long and underwhelming.