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Today is the first Monday of 2015. This morning the kids went back to school (Fiona excited, Jake mock-crying. At least I think it was mock), Omer went back to work, and I had planned to attack the day, the week, heck, the whole year with a vengeance.
But last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I rarely have trouble sleeping, but my husband was snoring and I had a lot on my mind and at 1am I gave up and moved to the guest room. And then a rattling window kept me up for another hour, until I got up and stuffed an old hat in it. And then other noises and thoughts kept me awake for another hour or so. I think I got a solid two hours at some point, then woke up again and slept off and on until my alarm went off at 6:10.
The plan for today had been simple:
- Run five miles. I have seven weeks left until the Princess Half Marathon (my fifth!) so I should have started training at least five weeks ago. I tightened up the training schedule and vowed to do five miles this morning.
- Post on my blog before noon. Run, shower, write. It had a nice flow to it.
- Catch up on emails, contracts, pitches, etc. I left a lot of things unfinished before Christmas. Today was the day to catch up.
- Unpack. I’ve been out of town for six days with the kids. Besides two suitcases and lots of dirty laundry, I did a lot of shopping in Buffalo (parking lots! Everything is so much easier when there are parking lots!!!) and I’d dumped everything near the door when we got home yesterday. But I was going to put it all away. Plus, I’d gotten five or six deliveries while I was gone – post Christmas online shopping. That all had to be unpacked and put away too.
But by the time everybody was out the door this morning, I was so tired I could barely stand up. I climbed back into bed and woke up at 1pm!
I got up, ate lunch, showered, washed the dishes, and managed to get a little of the shopping put away before it was time to take Fiona to dance class. After that was dinner, a little more putting away, a little baking so that the kids would have something to put in their lunchboxes tomorrow, and a bunch more dishes. Which brings us to now. I’m about twelve hours late on the second item on my list. The first and third items didn’t get done, and the fourth is less than half done.
There was a time when I would have had about a dozen New Year’s resolutions written down. They would have been things like “Post before noon each day” and “Exercise every morning.”
And because my brain sucks, if I had screwed those up on the first Monday of the year, like I did today, I’d have said “screw it” for the rest of week, or month, or possibly for the year. Yes, I know that sounds extreme, but I’m a perfectionist. That does NOT mean that I do everything perfectly. Far from it. It means that if I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to bother.
I have to constantly fight against my propensity to do things only in a defined pattern, in a well-thought-out plan, in some kind of anal-retentive order, instead of just getting shit done. And I learned a long time ago that resolving to do something at the beginning of the year was the kiss of death for me.
The new year still usually finds me energized and a bit more productive than usual. It’s a good time for me to start new projects and start things off on the right foot.
But it can’t be official. It can’t be a list. Because if I don’t adhere to it perfectly, I’ll drop it like a hot potato and pretend that I didn’t want to do it in the first place.
So, it’s OK that I’m posting this almost twelve hours late, that I didn’t run, and that the suitcases are still near the front door. I’ll do better tomorrow.