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I’ve never really had strong feelings about the September 11th commemorations, ceremonies, posts, and plans before this year. Some years I’ve written about it, some years I haven’t. Some years the date has passed very quietly for me without much notice. This year, though, that’s impossible. It’s everywhere. I feel like I’ve seen as many pictures and videos this week of the burning towers as I did ten years ago. We like round numbers, don’t we? It’s been ten years, a milestone, so it must be marked in some grand way. But honestly, I’d rather it just pass quietly.
The thing is, for me remembering September 11th, 2001 doesn’t just happen on a certain date, or during a special hour of TV. Get at least two New Yorkers together for a certain length of time and the conversation will inevitably lead to where you were on September 11th, who you knew, etc.
I can’t go to my doctor’s office without remembering, since it’s a few blocks away from the World Trade Center. I’m always hopelessly confused downtown and used to look for the towers as a reference when I got out of the subway.
I can’t enjoy a clear blue sky for more than a few minutes without thinking of what a gorgeous day that started out to be. You’d think after all this time I could just enjoy the weather, but it will forever be tainted – when things seem perfect, I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Whenever I can’t get a hold of my husband I flash back to that day. He was a few blocks away when the towers collapsed, and watching it on TV it looked like all of lower Manhattan was gone. Cell phones were down and he couldn’t get to a landline to call me for about six hours.
Mostly, I can’t think about becoming a mom without thinking about that day. My son was five weeks old, so I was already a hormonal, sleepy mess. I felt paralyzed. I started wondering if having a child had been a good idea, now that the world seemed to be over.
Hell, even watching Friends (something I do just about every day) gets me glassy eyed – just about every episode included at least one gorgeous shot of the towers.
So, the reminders are all around for me. And while I don’t begrudge anyone else a ceremony or service on Sunday, I’ll probably just be home, trying not to think about it.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.